I’m handed temporary respite in the form of a towel and we take a tour of the facilities. We part our separate ways to enter the changing rooms – which should probably be called undressing rooms here. In a sign of things to come, Issy gets in for free on account of the fact she has more than one X chromosome. She reassures me as I fumble nervously to stump up £17, which seems like a hefty price for a night of embarrassment and self-loathing. Thankfully, I’m joined by my friend Issy whose experience as a life-drawing model means she is no stranger to getting scantily clad in front of an audience.

Rio’s website claims that the spa “is a place to meet new friends”, although the fact that the welcome page is scattered with pictures of attractive naked guests suggests something else is on offer. Recently refurbished after a fire ravaged its facilities in 2016, the underground retreat now boasts three steam rooms and Jacuzzi’s, two sauna cabins, a plunge pool, a TV lounge and a garden. But no-one – at least for Kentishtowner – has yet written about their first-ever visit.